The crazy thoughts

Every once in awhile, you have one of those days, when even though you know your better, not perfect but better, some of those thoughts, they just sneak back in. for no apparent reason. But its different. Or atleast it should be. Because your better. You have reason now. Whereas before, your crazy thoughts, they made sense to you. They were your distorted reality. But now that reasons back in your brain, it becomes this battle, of your crazy alternate universe irrational thoughts, and your functioning, deciding, reasoning thoughts.
I'm having of course the retarded blah blah shit sucks thoughts. But then those progress into something more, something completly different, and even more irrational.
I feel like you should know better. You should know that somethings wrong today, that I don't feel good, and you should sense that. You should know when I'm feeling sad, all I want is for you to just be here. I feel like you should know through my actions, that regardless of everything, there hasn't been a single time since I saw you that I havn't wanted you by my side, even for a second.
I just want you here. I want you to waltz through that door and be here because you knew I needed you.
But that's irrational. Because you dont know. Because regardless of everything, I wont admit it to you. Because I don't want to appear to be weak to you.
So I sit here. Alone. With my irrational thoughts. Battling it out against my rational thoughts.